Persuasion

The real title of this entry is First Nephi , Agency, and the power of Persuasion.  I love the word persuasion, it's one of those words where you can linger a bit in the syllables as you say it - "persuuaasion".  It means the act of influencing people to do or believe something.  It also happens to be the title of my favorite Jane Austin book, but I digress.

Back to persuasion.  We just finished and restarted reading the Book of Mormon, Another Testament of Jesus Christ- as a family.  There’s a sweetness about each new reading, moving again through the familiar story of Lehi and his family’s exodus found in First Nephi.  But this time through, what really struck me were the related principles of persuasion and agency, and how they appear so frequently throughout those beginning chapters.  I'm defining agency here as the ability to act for ourselves.  In the opening chapters, Lehi and then Nephi repeatedly exercised their agency- first to desire to know what the Lord wanted for them, and then to respond faithfully to His commandments.  Fortunately for us, we also have the descriptions of Laman and Lemuel’s choices to exercise their agency in opposition to the Lord’s and their father’s desires.  Through the behavior of all these men, we have a beautiful illustration of just how sincerely the Lord honors our ability to act for ourselves. 

Agency and the Lord’s model of leadership - Persuasion

The Lord modeled and described how we can act in ways that promote agency, particularly for those we lead and teach.   In Isaiah, we read about this invitation: “Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord:  though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool” (Isaiah 1:18).  The Lord invites us to come and reason or counsel with him about our sins.  He does not describe using heavy-handedness to force us to repent.   Likewise, in our dealings with others, we are cautioned to resist the temptation to use authority unrighteously, and to instead use “persuasion”, “long-suffering”, “gentleness and meekness”, and “love unfeigned” (D&C 121:39 & 41).  Nephi repeatedly shows us what this kind of leadership looks like in some difficult exchanges with his brothers:

He told them, “Wherefore, let us be faithful in keeping the commandments of the Lord….And behold, it is wisdom in God that we should obtain these records, that we may preserve unto our children the language of our fathers; And also that we may preserve unto them the words which have been spoken by the mouth of all the holy prophets…And it came to pass that after this manner of language did I persuade my brethren, that they might be faithful in keeping the commandments of God.” (1 Nephi 3:16-21) 

“And it came to pass that I spake unto my brethren, saying; Let us go up again unto Jerusalem, and let us be faithful in keeping the commandments of the Lord; for behold he is mightier than all the earth, then why not mightier than Laban and his fifty, yea, or even than his tens of thousands?  …Let us go up; the Lord is able to deliver us, even as our fathers, and to destroy Laban, even as the Egyptians.”  (1 Nephi 4:1-3). 

“Wherefore, I, Nephi, did exhort them to give heed unto the word of the Lord; yea, I did exhort them with all the energies of my soul, and with all the faculty which I possessed, that they would give heed to the word of God and remember to keep his commandments always in all things.”  (1 Nephi  15:25)

Notice that Nephi didn’t use his physical strength to enforce compliance.  He didn’t try to manipulate or trick his brothers into helping.  He tried to inspire them to fulfill their responsibilities righteously, and he used encouraging words.  This is leadership that honors and preserves agency.

Setting the example for Nephi was his father, Lehi.  Remember this beautiful description of Lehi’s communication with Laman and Lemuel  following his dream of the Tree of Life, “And he did exhort them (Laman and Lemuel) with all the feeling of a tender parent, that they would hearken to his words, that perhaps the Lord would be merciful to them, and not cast them off” (1 Nephi 8:37). 

While on occasion Nephi spoke “hard things” to his brothers, wondering why they had forgotten the Lord or failed to ask Him when they had questions, he never called them names, put them down, or ridicule or excessively criticize them (1 Nephi 16:1).   When they had questions, Nephi tried to answer them.  

While persuasion is the Lord’s way of influencing others, it’s not always successful.  Despite all their pleading, Laman and Lemuel often made choices contrary to their father’s and brother’s requests. 

The opposite of Persuasion – Unrighteous Dominion

In opposition to the Lord's leadership style of persuasion (which Nephi exemplified), is a pattern of “unrighteous dominion”.  The Lord states we are exercising unrighteous dominion “when we undertake to cover our sins, or to gratify our pride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness” (D&C 121:37).   Sometimes it's difficult to understand what kind of behavior constitutes unrighteous dominion.  Fortunately, Laman and Lemuel give us some great examples. 

At the core of unrighteous dominion is a desire for power and control.  While Lehi and Nephi sought to do God's will, Laman and Lemuel sought to do their own will.  Their ambition to govern the family (desire for power) and stubborn belief that it was their “right” to do so perpetuated hundreds of years of warfare with Nephi’s descendants. 


Another interesting observation about Laman and Lemuel was the more they focused on obtaining power and control, the more blind they became to their own sins.

The pattern of unrighteous dominion Laman and Lemuel demonstrated starts at one end of the spectrum with their tendency to murmur or complain. As Lehi noted to Nephi, this was often Laman & Lemuel's response to difficult requests:  "And now, behold thy brothers murmur, saying it is a hard thing which I have required of them" (1 Nephi 3:5).  On the surface, complaining doesn't seem like a big deal.  Everyone complains, right?  A pattern of complaining, however, may reflect a less than humble and submissive attitude, and a preference for doing what we want versus what the Lord wants.  And after we've complained a little, we usually want someone to complain to - and quickly our personal complaining session can turn into a fault-finding, back-stabbing attempt at validating our own points.  Gossiping has never been held up as an example of appropriate behavior.  In fact, we're told just to "stop it".  One of the problems with gossiping is that it often shifts the balance of power in a process therapists call triangulation - basically, seeking to pull uninvolved parties to your side in an argument, bolstering support for your point of view and increasing your power by putting down someone else.  Laman and Lemuel again were masters at convincing the people around them to come around to their way of thinking in just this way.  They turned two of the daughters of Ishmael and the two sons of Ishmael to "rebel" against Nephi, Sam, and their father as they were returning the second time from Jerusalem and again after the death of Ishmael. Plotting against Nephi, they manipulated a case against him: “Now, he says that the Lord has talked with him, and also that angels have ministered unto him.  But behold, we know that he lies unto us…that he may deceive our eyes…he has thought to make himself a kind and ruler over us…And after this manner did my brother Laman stir up their hearts to anger” (1 Nephi 16:38).  This was a clear attempt to undermine the leadership and authority of their father and brother and to gain support for their own position.  Rather than airing their complaints and disagreements appropriately – “reasoning together”, they chose to engage in personal attacks meant to belittle and demean. It's not "reasoning together" when there's an identifiable target. 


Other examples of unrighteous dominion are seen after the brothers made two unsuccessful attempts to retrieve the plates from Laban.  At this point, Laman and Lemuel's behavior escalated.  "And it came to pass that Laman was angry with me...and also was Lemuel...Wherefore Laman and Lemuel did speak many hard words unto us"  (1 Nephi 3:28).  While verbal tirades, name calling, and mean spirited put-downs are pretty easy to identify as examples of unrighteous dominion (and verbal abuse), what is the problem with anger?  Isn't anger a universal experience?  The problem with anger again is when it becomes a pattern, a consistent response to bad news, to things we don't like.  And even then the problem isn't necessarily feeling angry, it's acting on that anger.   And as Laman and Lemuel's anger escalated, the pattern of unrighteous dominion becomes more clearly visible.  Overt threats and physical violence are clear misuses of power and authority.  When people act this way, it's usually done to intimidate and physically dominate others.  “They did breathe out much threatenings against anyone that should speak for (Nephi)” when he was bound on the ship (18:17).  They hit Nephi with rods (1 Nephi 3:28-29), tied him up (1 Nephi 7:16, 18:11) and “treated (him) with much harshness”(18:11) .  On more than one occasion, their attempts to control or dominate involved planning to take the lives of Lehi and Nephi.  Murder is the ultimate act against agency, ending for mortality a person’s ability to repent and act for him/herself. 

At the time of the separation after the death of Lehi, they seemed to have no remorse about their desires and possible preparations to kill their brother.  They had become as Cain, influenced by Satan to follow in his path and adopt his goals. 

Lessons for us

Why is it important for us to understand this pattern?   In our earthly condition we are all at risk for repeating Laman and Lemuel’s behavior.  “We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men (and women), as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion” (D&C 121:39).  When we engage in Laman and Lemuel’s patterns of behavior, we are furthering Satan’s agenda.  We are promoting the type of leadership that leads to the reduction of agency and all the consequences Satan desires for us, including “captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself.” (2 Nephi 2:27).  “Choose not eternal death, according to the will of the flesh and the evil which is therein, which giveth the spirit of the devil power to captivate, to bring you down to hell, that he may reign over you in his own kingdom”  (2 Nephi 2:29).  Satan’s ultimate goal is power for himself, our captivity, and the destruction of the Kingdom of God.

The Lord’s Interventions

The Lord intervened in this story a few times, using the minimal influence necessary to further his purposes – get Lehi and his family to the Promised Land with records and spouses.  With Laman and Lemuel, as they hardened their hearts and became progressively less sensitive to spiritual influence the interventions became more intense - till the moment on the ship when “there was nothing save it were the power of God, which threatened them with destruction, could soften their hearts” (1 Nephi 18:20).  Even prior to that moment, the Lord didn’t give up in his attempts to use gentler forms of persuasion.   “Now my father, Lehi had said many things unto them…and also my wife with her tears and prayers, and also my children, did not soften the hearts of my brethren that they would loose me” (1 Nephi 18: 18-19).  Similarly with Laban, Nephi and his brothers tried to persuade him to give them the records, using every method they could think of until finally the Lord stepped in with the clarification that “It is better that one man should perish than that a nation should dwindle and perish in unbelief” (4:13).  With Laman and Lemuel as with us, the Lord most frequently uses gentle persuasion to help us see that His plan, his way is best.  He entices us to come and partake of the fruit of the tree, “desirable to make one happy” (1 Nephi 8:10), he provides immediate consequences – good and bad (think Liahona!), he encourages with sweet whisperings and strengthening power from the Holy Ghost, and very occasionally his methods are more shocking (1 Nephi 17:53).  Still, our gift of agency allows us to act in accordance with his desires or not.  We are not hardwired to automatically believe truth or angels or even the voice of God.  Our belief and faith are always choices.

The Lord loves us.  He is committed to allowing us to act for ourselves, to maximize our spiritual growth even though this means some of His children use their agency to hurt themselves and those around them.  When we are frequently critical, resort to name calling, exercise physical or emotional power or control, or act in ways that are disrespectful and unkind, we are following Satan’s plan, not the Lord’s.  The Lord and his prophets – ancient and modern - understand that leading by persuasion, long-suffering, patience & love preserves the agency of Heavenly Father’s children.