7 Loaves

7 Loaves

 

Emma’s one good pair of school shoes

Sat in the garage

imbued with coal colored sticky dust

from a recent outing

 

She needed shoes for gym

And a few long sleeved shirts

As the leaves are already turning

and the cool air in the morning leaves

the children at the bus stop

stomping their feet and rubbing their arms for warmth

 

But the shoes were the priority, needed for tomorrow.

 

And today, her best friend’s mother

Inspired by the changing weather, cleaned out closets

And called to ask if she could drop off a few things

 

She brought in 7 bags of clothes and shoes.

More than enough, with some to share

 

I thought about how Jesus was able to feed the multitude

With only 7 loaves and fishes

And how today he clothed a little girl (and several of her cousins)

With a similar plentitude

 

It’s astonishing

How often He blesses us with 7 bags

When all we really need is

One pair of shoes. 

names

names

 

Stupid

is no more

an appropriate moniker

for her

than

Flying Squirrel.

 

she has nothing to do with

Stupid.

 

but

in the telling

and repeating

and berating

somehow

reality slips

 

and suddenly

she finds herself

questioning her own mind.

 

it’s not a light thing

this re-naming -

 

but an ancient practice;

whispered in reverent tones,

and paired with sacred promises.

Abram becomes Abraham

Sarai becomes Sarah

Jacob becomes Israel

 

and that other sort of name

can have no part

in this process. 

Karma

Karma


In the bathroom of the yoga studio where I teach, there’s a sign that reads:

 “Dear Karma,


      I have a list of people you might have missed". 

Don’t you love the idea of Karma?  Karma comes from the Sanscrit term for act or deed.  Informally, it’s the idea that the energy you send out into the universe will come back to you – good for good, evil for evil.  The idea of Karma makes things easier when we have to deal with someone else’s unpleasant behavior.  We can take a deep breath, think Karma, and smile.

Did you know there is scriptural precedence for the idea of Karma? 

At the end of Alma’s life, as he’s giving counsel to his son Corianton, he speaks about resurrection and restoration.  He notes that the resurrection will not be a restoration of good for evil, but “good for that which is good; righteous for that which is righteous; just for that which is just” (41:13).  Then he pleads with his son to be merciful, “judge righteously, and to do good continually” (41:14) and promises that if he does this, he will receive his reward – mercy and justice and righteous judgment restored to him.  And here’s the clincher:

“For that which ye do send out shall return unto you again, and be restored” (Alma 41:15).

Doesn't that sound like Karma? 

In Hindu philosophy, Karma also encompasses the idea of reincarnation, or multiple lives…that individuals experience the consequences of their actions from previous lives.  So interestingly the ideas of resurrection and restoration appear again. 

In our LDS theology, while we don’t believe in reincarnation per se, we do believe that we lived before we came here, and that we will live again after we die.  And we do believe that there are consequences of our actions from our premortal existence that impact us now, and of course that our actions here on earth will impact our standing after we are resurrected.  Think of reaping what we sow.

That's Karma.

For Hindus and Buddhists, Karma is a universal law, somewhat like Newton’s law – for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction – there are consequences, good and bad for all of our acts.  These are set up to help us learn, and be more mindful and more compassionate of others. 

And part of the idea of Karma is that if we don’t learn from the consequences of our actions, we are doomed to repeat them, experiencing the same consequences over and over and over, perhaps across several lifetimes.   For me, this aspect of karma was manifested in my church callings – For several years, and across many different wards, it seemed I was always called to be the secretary.  After this went on for a while, I wondered if there was something I needed to learn, perhaps about organizational skillsJ.  Grumbling just a little, I began to work on these personally.  I developed a filing system of sorts, a better way of managing mail and bills, and I began to work more diligently on order and neatness at home.  While this is still a work in progress, I have to say that my callings have varied considerably since, and I think I’m on the right track.

Another facet of the principle of Karma is that the things coming to you are a reflection of who you are.  If you radiate kindness and wisdom, you are likely to get these reflected back to you.  This is also true in a negative sense – if you put out mistrust and fear, maybe even hatred, those may be the emotions reflected back to you by others.  It’s like the Golden Rule – do unto others as you would have others do to you.  The Karma of the energy coming back to you can give you feedback about yourself.  It provides an opportunity for self-reflection and maybe even motivation for change. 

Most critically for our relationships, I think Karma reminds us to focus on forgiveness and repentance rather than on retaliation and retribution.  We allow for the fact that someone else (God) will be the judge.  Isn't that a good thing?  Do we really want to shoulder that responsibility?  Honestly, some days leaving the judgment to God feels like an act of faith.  But He who is merciful, powerful, and omnipotent sees all things, and is much more capable of righteous judgment than I am!  Thankfully, we're also promised He will eventually right all the wrongs and "wipe away tears from off all faces" (Isaiah 25:8).  




Karma reminds us that we are connected.  That our energy, our actions, the course of our life matters, and that eventually there will be a restoration - and a judgment.  That sometime following the ending of our lives, all will be made right by our perfectly loving and merciful Father.   

Was Blind but Now I See

 Was Blind but Now I See

 

I love the story of Jesus healing the man who was blind from birth (John 9), because of its wonderful insights into the Savior’s perfect ability to love and heal us.  As a military wife and a neuroscientist, I spend a lot ot time reading and studying about the impact of stress and trauma.  Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a big deal within the military (though it’s certainly not limited to service members).  It can devastate families.  It’s also very hard to treat.  Part of the problem is in the neuroscience.  PTSD starts from appropriate and normal brain responses to stress.  But due to neuroplasticity – which is a term that lets us know the brain is constantly changing based on our experiences, the brain changes over time to strengthen pathways that are used most often - in this case, those pathways that react to stress.  Individuals with PTSD are constantly bombarded by anxious thoughts, worries, feelings of guilt and anger, and fears about potential threats.  Day after day, year after year the cellular pathways in the brain that are active during these emotional experiences are strengthened – they go from the equivalent of normally functioning roads to emotional superhighways.  It’s hard to slow down a superhighway. 
  

When Jesus healed the man blind from birth, the situation was equally gloomy.  John wrote, “Since the world began was it not heard that any man opened the eyes of one that was born blind” (John 9:32).  What makes this particular healing different from healing someone who had previously been able to see?  Again, it goes back to neuroscience.  We don’t really see with our eyes alone, we see with our brain.  Our eyes take in light and patterns from the world around us, then transform that information into electrical impulses.  These electrical impulses are sent to some very specific areas in the back of the brain that allow us to see, and make sense of what we are seeing.  While our eyes and the visual cortex of the brain are formed from birth for the task of seeing, our vision and understanding of what we see develop as we interact with our environment.  Normal vision is acquired in much the same way language is, in early infancy, when a baby’s brain is primed to develop visual skills and understanding.  That means if a child has visual  problems early in life, his or her visual abilities may be impaired.  For example, for infants born with cataracts that prevent normal sight, surgery occurs as early as possible, ideally within the first 2-3 months of age.  The longer the wait, the greater the risk the child will develop permanent visual impairment.  Another basic principle of neuroplasticity also works against them here - as time passes, if the seeing parts of the brain don’t receive input from the eyes they can be taken over by other working senses!  This is what neuroscientists like to describe as "use it or lose it". 

Applying this modern understanding of neuroanatomy, we can appreciate just how complicated was Jesus' healing of the man born blind.  The Savior anointed the man’s eyes with clay and told him to “Go, wash in the pool of Siloam.” We are then told that the man went and washed “and came seeing” (John 9:7).  For this miracle to occur, the Savior would have had to do more than heal his eyes, he would have had to heal his brain.  The Savior made up for a lifetime’s lack of visual input – almost instantaneously.  He restored, or completely repaired the man’s whole visual system. 

Isn’t that profound?  If he can heal the brain of the man blind from birth, There's hope for healing from the things that harm us.  It is possible for our Savior to make up for lifetimes full of weakness, sin, and even abuse or trauma.  He can heal our bodies and our brains.  He can make us whole again – from whatever ails us.

Changing the emotional superhighways in the brain that form with PTSD can be incredibly difficult.  But it is possible.  And some of the most helpful tools to treat this disorder are the most simple – mindfulness (or really any form of meditation) slow abdominal breathing; and of course, yoga. These are all things that quiet our minds, help us reduce distraction, and allow us to focus on things that are really important.  They help free us from the grip of a busy mind that likes to ruminate on past hurts and future worries.  And when our minds are still, that’s when we can more fully hear the voice of God in our lives. 

 

There’s another sweet bit of familiarity from this story… when the man was asked by the Pharisees how this miracle could have occurred, the man defended Jesus and his works; “Why herein is a marvelous thing, that ye know not from whence he is, and yet he hath opened mine eyes…If this man were not of God, he could do nothing.” (John 9:30, 33).  His genuine testimony resulted in him being cast out.  But John was able to capture his words, “One thing I know, that, whereas I was blind, now I see.”

John wrote that miracles such as these “are written, that ye might believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God; and that believing ye might have life through his name” (John 20:31).  I am grateful for the light of his gospel, which allows us clearer vision and understanding; and for his atonement – his healing power and mercy – extended to even a wretch like me.

 

 

Amazing Grace, text by John Newton, 1725-1807

The glass, darkly

The glass, darkly

 

Those features, too familiar

From habitual daily glare-

Garishly overforcused

Every blemish magnified

 

Oh, those pores

The widening of the nose there

And what fickle child scribbled the lines so?

 

I squint, nose pressed against the darkened lens.

 

Gently, He scoots me back

And flips my mirror.

A wider view-

Brightening,

 

Shows a bit more

Of the journey

And the transformation

Than I could see up close.

Spring Cleaning

Spring Cleaning

 

Spring Cleaning

Spring cleaning

Sometimes means

More than

Cleaning out a closet

 

Sometimes your

Mind needs a

Good de-junking as well.

 

Kick out the company that

Stays too long,

The broken furnishings, unhelpful reveries

You always bang your knee on

As you pass,

The faded fantasies – outdated, overly fictionalized

That crowd in with the rest of the clutter -  

 

Till finally there’s

Peace and you can

Hear yourself think

 

And admittedly, it’s a bit quiet

In a good way.

Dissonant Chords

Dissonant Chords

 

 

Some musical gifts

Relate to picking the perfect pitch,

Or vibrato virtuosity.

 

What about the gift of

Hearing the dissonant chord?

Riding out the discomfort of it

While the tension builds-

Sitting with the pain.

 

What is it about us that

Rushes resolution

When the script may call for far more interesting harmonies? 

 

For flexibility and growth (musical & physical)

Seem to take a strange combination of

Discipline & submission

 

The effort required to disbelieve

The stories you tell yourself under duress-

(“I can’t”, and “It’s too hard”)-

And to hold your note against the beats

 

Breathing & visualizing

Lengthening muscles

Progressive cadences

Gloriously sticky chords.

 

 

lhb, 2013